The Love You Want
by merhiel
Summary: Sometimes jealousy can bring out the worst in a person...


THE LOVE YOU WANT  
  
Although I often dream of you  
I still have no idea  
It's raining outside  
Which day is it today  
But I don't know  
Where you went  
  
Although I have never  
doubted you  
I still feel uneasy  
Who is your one and only  
Forgive me for doubting myself  
  
I understand the love I want  
Will spoil me  
Like a little child  
Who only knows how to be  
bad in your arms  
The love you want  
Is not just reliance  
Must be like a man  
Even in bad weather  
Leads a carefree life +++  
  
Sometimes jealousy can bring out the worst in a person  
  
+++  
  
1:00 a.m  
  
That was the time indicated on the clock, in his table. The boy shifted in his bed. It was almost dawn and yet sleep was still elusive.  
  
He sighed.  
  
'Why can't this damned eyelids fall down so I can sleep' he wailed  
  
'Just slid it down and the sleep you yearn for will follow' a voice whispered.  
  
'I tried' he reasoned out  
  
'Why not accept it?! It's you who don't want to sleep. Yes, you want to sleep and yet you yearn to stay awake. To stay awake and wait for her.'  
  
The voice answered. Then it laughed not a sinister one and yet Yoh pulled the pillows to his head not wanting to hear any of it. Not wanting to hear the voice that kept haunting him.  
  
Kept Taunting and haunting him ever since. +++  
  
Ever since he discovered that Hao and Anna are meeting secretly.  
  
Footsteps were heard announcing her arrival.  
  
But he'd known that she had already arrived long before the sound reached his ears. He knew because whether he sees her or not, he could still feel her around him with almost physic intensity.  
  
+++  
  
Then he heard her hum. A happy tune that she never does whenever she is with him. And as the thought entered his mind, grief and envy entered his heart. Jealousy and envy is spreading in his being.  
  
'What's with Hao?!' he asked angrily as silvery drops of water spilled in his eyes. Why can't he make Anna that happy?  
  
+++  
  
Who is your one and only Forgive me for doubting myself  
  
+++  
  
Why can't he give the love that Anna wanted?  
  
Why can't he do it?  
  
When his twin brother could.  
  
DOSHITE?!  
  
+++  
  
With so much pain in Yoh's heart he stood up. His heart made a brutal decision. He should have done this before. He should have.  
  
For if he have done this before. He wouldn't suffer this much.  
  
No, not this much.  
  
"Yoh-dono" Amidamaru called as he reached the sliding door.  
  
Yoh responded in a dead tone, without looking at his power spirit. His voice was as cold as ice. That's why Amidamaru can't help but feel fear for his master. "Don't mind me. Stay and don't follow."  
  
"Demo, Yoh-dono." Amidamaru objected.  
  
"I said stay." Yoh responded, then he disappeared from Amidamaru's sight. As Yoh's figure vanished, Amidamaru decided to go to Jun Tao for help.  
  
~*~  
  
Anna hummed happily as she undress herself, and slipped into her yukata. The feeling of euphoria still lingers in the air as one thought crossed her mind.  
  
She was now FREE.  
  
Free to joke around.  
  
Free to be happy.  
  
Free to cast a smile.  
  
She was free to be herself, not the persona that she was raised to be.  
  
And most of all she was free to love the Shaman she desired the most.  
  
That's nobody else but.  
  
Yoh Asakura.  
  
That was all made possible when Hao, himself freed her from his chains. He did it when he realized that Anna wouldn't love anybody aside from Yoh. But in spite of it all the things that Hao did to her and to Yoh , Anna couldn't stop herself in wishing Hao's happiness.  
  
She smiled.  
  
'Soon Hao you'll meet the one for you. Soon' she thought.  
  
But for now she should stop thinking about Hao's happiness. It's the right time to be selfish and think about her self first. As she lay down to her futon, she can't help but to think how will she tell it to Yoh.  
  
How will she explain that all the coldness she had shown for the past few months are nothing. But a mere act.  
  
'Tomorrow' a voice whispered, its voice was laced with such sweet promise that will entice anyone to its lair.  
  
And she can't help but agree. Yes, tomorrow it is. She'll tell it to Yoh, first thing in the morning.  
  
'But on the contrary, maybe I should go to his room now and tell him everything.' She thought. But pushed the thought away.  
  
She sighed.  
  
'Anna, what's with you?! You can't go at Yoh dressed like that and besides you should think all the words you have to say to Yoh. You should provide a GOOD EXPLANATION. So that anger wouldn't trigger into Yoh's bieng' she scolded herself  
  
'Foolish, Foolish Anna' the voice whispered again 'when did anger filled Yoh's heart?!'  
  
For the second time Anna can't help but agree.  
  
For the day that anger fills Yoh's heart, is the same day that all hell will break lose. She smiled idly at that thought. And for the nth time she realized how lucky she is to have Yoh.  
  
And with that thought she decided to sleep. And as she closed her eyes she suddenly heard the door slide, revealing the shaman that she was just thinking of. And as she did saw the 17-year-old figure of Yoh, her heart began to race. She even thought of greeting him with a hug and kiss, she smiled secretly just by imagining the surprised look of her fiancée face. But on the other hand, she decided to play the ITAKO for the last time.  
  
"What are you doing here?!" she asked her voice was calm, yet it demanded  
  
But to her surprise Yoh didn't waver as he used to. Instead he answered oddly. "To claim what is mine."  
  
She raised her eyebrow at Yoh. 'What's with Yoh?!' she asked herself as she watched Yoh walked towards her.  
  
"To claim what is yours?! You don't own anything here." Anna said casually, she didn't know why, but she pulled her yukata tighter, closer to her body as if to secure it.  
  
"Oh! Really?!" Yoh sniggered, then she pulled Anna up to her feet. Griping her hands like a raven claw.  
  
Anna's surprises didn't end with that, as Yoh kissed her, not with passion but of lust. Lust that was tinted with brutality. She tried to pull away as she tasted her own blood.  
  
"Yoh, stop it your hurting ---"  
  
Anna didn't even finish her words as she felt the intensity of Yoh's slap. She stare at her fiancée as her hand flew to the hitten spot. "Y-yoh?!" She asked unbelievingly  
  
"I don't own anything in here?! How about you Anna have you forgotten the I OWN you!" Yoh shouted angrily, then he crossed the path that was separating them. Then for the second time he grabbed Anna again. But Yoh wasn't quick to catch her for she tried to move away, he tried again and succeeded in catching her yukata thus tearing it apart, revealing some of Anna's skin.  
  
"Yoh, what's happening to you, have you gone mad?" Anna asked, fear is starting to materialize in her voice. She struggled; bad move for it gave to Yoh more access to grab and detain her.  
  
"Have I gone mad?!" Yoh asked as he pushed Anna towards the wall, his body cornering her. "Tell me who wont get mad. When he discovers that his fiancée is meeting someone else. And what hurts more is that he is meeting you're own twin brother?!" Yoh asked. Grief and anger alighted his face.  
  
Anna looked at him in complete shock. "H-how?!"  
  
Once again Yoh kissed her. Torturing her whole being.  
  
"Yoh you're hurting me" Anna said tryinh her best to bring senses in Yoh's mind. Then she tasted something salty -saltier than blood- then it dawned to her that she was tasting her own tears and Yoh.  
  
"Hurting you?! How about me Anna?" Yoh asked angrily, as he grabbed Anna's hair so as the later looking at him. "How about you hurting me?!"  
  
"Y-yoh onegai. let me explain!" Anna pleaded. Ignoring the physical pain that her body is screaming. For Yoh was right. Her pains are nothing compared to his. But if he just allowed her to explain. It'll cover up everything. It'll ease the pain.  
  
"Explain what Anna?! Explian to me how you and Hao did it?! How he make loves to you?! Is he as rough as I am or he is quite the contrary." Yoh shouted at her. If pain, anger, jealousy and sorrow isn't blinding his senses. Yoh's heart may have listened to Anna's plea. But all was to late. All the good is lost when he torn Anna's yukata. Revealing all that is to reveal. "Tell me Anna is he that gentle?" Yoh asked as his lips trailed down to her neck. Anna knew that it'd leave marks tomorrow. Reminding her of Yoh's brutality "Answer me!" Yoh demanded as his hand still on her hair, as the other one was lost in her body.  
  
White-hot pain seared through her body. "Y-Yoh!" she called once more feeling stupid for being able only to call his name out. Then she remembered her thoughts. About Yoh being angry.  
  
'When Yoh Asalura felt anger is the day that all hell will break loose'  
  
And today is that night. The day all hell breaks loose. Her room now seemed to be an exact replica of the abyss. It became hot as if flames appeared and surrounded them. As if she was sent to hell to pay the sins she didn't committed. But for Yoh she was guilty. And she can't blame him.  
  
Can't she?!  
  
It was her fault alone and hers alone. If only she choose to trust him. If only she learned not to doubt him.  
  
If only she could turn back the hands of time she will -oh! God knows she will- change everything.  
  
But it was to late, as she felt Yoh forced through her entrance. She cried, finally succumbing to her weakness. She didn't believe that this is happening. Not that she didn't expect this, for she knew that things like this are inevitable. But the thing is she didn't expect it to be like this.  
  
No, not like this. She imagined it to be done in a bed of petals and candle's alighting the whole room. But all of those will just remain a fantasy for her.  
  
While Yoh felt sudden confusion as he felt Anna's barrier. He gasped when he realized that he was the first. Nothing happened between Hao and Anna. Was he wrong about it?  
  
Kami-sama to the fact that he took her by force. He looked at her. And realized that she was crying. He was about to withdrawn when Anna restrained him.  
  
".continue." Anna said  
  
"A-anna, doshite?" Yoh asked  
  
"Because I Love You." Anna answered smile alighting her fragile face. And Yoh did what he was told. Their climax was neither blissful nor painful. In fact Yoh felt nothing at all, except confusion. Then he felt Anna collapsed. He cradled her lithe frame. And stared at her. He then realized that the thing she did was unforgivable. He hugged her tight as he cried.  
  
After minutes of tears. Yoh carried Anna and laid her to her futon. He then tried to find her yukata but he found out that it was already torn. So he went to look for another one. As he found one he putted it to Anna. As he tucked her in. He saw the ugly bruise that is now forming on Anna's face. "I'm sorry" Yoh repeated once more. He was tempted to hug her again, but there were more important things to do before that.  
  
He took his hands away from her face. When Anna's hand came and stopped it.  
  
"Yoh." Anna called as she tried to catch the others hand. But to her shock Yoh pulled it farther as he shook his head.  
  
"Gomenasai." Yoh muttered, he stood up fully dressed and went towards the door.  
  
"Yoh, onegai don't leave me. Hate me all you want but don't leave me." Anna pleaded desperately. Tears forming at the edge of her eyes, as she saw that Yoh ignored her pleas. But she saw hope when Yoh stopped. "Yoh." she called again.  
  
"Gommenasai." Yoh said then he reached for the door, and went out of the house completely.  
  
And as Anna felt this how she wished to die. As it dawned to her that her dearest possession in her life has just slipped away. She sat up and curled up like a child. Then she began to ask.  
  
Asked like a little child.  
  
Asking why Yoh left her in the comfort of her tears.  
  
+++OWARI+++ 


End file.
